Saturday, February 27, 2010

Just a few minutes

I just needed a few minutes to release a little bit of energy that I've got running through my system.
Stress, anger, relief, sadness.
They all feel a little bit the same. Overall, it all hurts my own heart. The sad thing is, I'm not the one causing it. I suppose my lack of ability to just push things aside makes it partially my own fault, but the lack of respect that I've been receiving lately is just...It hurts.
I've been called a lot of things in my life. I know words shouldn't matter. But when they're repeated over and over, it just doesn't make sense.
I don't understand why it keeps happening.
Mostly because so many things have changed. The world has changed for me, and I'm happy.
What I can't completely understand is the fact that since so much has changed for me, it appears that it hasn't for other people.
I'm over it, I suppose. I don't deserve what I am receiving from others, but I know that if you're not strong enough to say those kinds of things to my face, you're also not strong enough to hold your own in life.
I mean, seriously. I dare you to talk like that to my face and sound so confident in yourself.
I've got much better friends in this world than you ever deserve. So thanks for making me remember that.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Post Canada thoughts

I just returned home after a weekend visit to my Grandma's house in Canada. She's 90 now!
It was really cool to have so many relatives in one place. The sad thing is, half of them I don't even remember. One convenient thing though, is the fact that no Veeneman ever changes. They all look exactly as I remember them (at least, the cousins that I actually know). It's amazing. I haven't seen some of those people since I was probably...8?
Upon returning home, I found my fish tank completely destroyed (well, dirty and layered with an entire can of fish food), as well as my algae eating fish dead. Not to mention the fact that some things were missing from my bedroom.
It's just sad that nothing in my own house is sacred. I'd like to think that I could write my name on a half gallon of chocolate milk and nobody would drink it. But no. Nothing lasts in this house. Nothing good, anyway. Good spirits aren't always so easy to come by.
Honestly, I can't wait for my niece to get some ADHD drugs in her system. I was reading about the disorder earlier today for homework in one of my classes, and about 3% of the population actually has the disorder. I read the symptoms, and Cambrie definitely shows every single one. It would be nice if the kid would LISTEN every now and then. Thanks to her, I didn't get to relax after I got home. I had to clean out an entire fish tank and flush a fish. I also have a feeling that I'll be digging through the house, looking for my belongings for a while. It would be nice to not have to watch that child every single second of the day. People claim that putting her on drugs will take away her personality. I say, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR. Discipline obviously has no effect. Not time outs, not spanks, not even bribes make a difference. We need a change, here.
I was hoping to go shopping in Canada and get a bunch of paraphernalia for the olympic stuff, but we never got around to it. It kind of made me sad, especially when I couldn't find any hats or gloves with even a maple leaf on it when we stopped at stores on the way home.
Not too excited to get back into the swing of things, but I've only got to make it through one more week and two tests this week before SPRING BREAK.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010


Today is Ryann's 16th birthday. It's crazy! I mean, with how much time I spend with Nick and over at that house, along with work, I kind of see her as a sister. The real sister I never had, you know? And now she's SIXTEEN. WAT. I mean, it's like, POOF, everyone that is really close to me is just...old. Pete started driving a few months ago, and Ryann's next. Goodness it's almost terrifying.

February is a busy month this year. Valentine's Day (stupid), Ryann's Birthday (not stupid), and Nick's Birthday (also not stupid but frustrating because it's his birthday lol).

Top that on with the fact that the whole month is devoted to the stupid commercialized holiday, it's almost stressful. However, I'm not loaded with homework, and I've got plenty of time between my classes that allows me to get all of my work done. Today I have written a 3-page paper and read a few chapters of my book in my time between my classes.

Speaking of classes, I got 100% on my math test from last week, and 96% on my Criminology exam from last Thursday. Overall, my grades are soaring, and it's so relieving to know that even after a semester not in school, I can still keep my habit of doing all my homework, studying, and getting good grades.

Back to the topic of February.

It's all about love, isn't it? It's so insanely frustrating to have a stupid holiday that emphasizes the whole telling-someone-you-love-them. Valentine's Day, making singles feel like shit since...FOREVER.

The thing about love is that everyone has their own warped versions of it. Some people are so incredibly controlling, some laid back, and some are so obsessive that the idea of life without love scares them.

Sure, those are all extremes, but I don't think that everyone really understands what love really is.

It's patient and kind, doesn't envy, doesn't boast, and isn't proud. Love isn't self-seeking, not easily angered, and doesn't keep any records of wrong. Love rejoices with the truth.

Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.

Love never fails.

Now that kind of destroys all of those extremes, don't you think? The jealous person is envious. The obsessive person is easily angered. The controlling person doesn't trust and keeps all those records of wrongs. A lot of people would recognize this definition of love from the Bible. First Corinthians 13, to be exact. But the thing is, you don’t even have to be religious to see the importance of it.
I mean, just because you’re not religious, doesn’t mean that you don’t have to be patient with someone. It doesn’t mean you can be jealous or proud about your love. Does that make sense?

I mean, sure, they go in all different ways, but you get the idea. The world has corrupted what love should be. What love actually IS. I mean, I have my own version of it, and how I see it, and the next person sees it as something completely different.
I understand the usage of pet names. But they’re sick. What’s good about being called ‘baby’? What’s cute about being considered someone’s “baby girl”? I mean, honestly, doesn’t that become some sick sort of incest? Sweetums, babe, sweetie…the like…they just...sicken me. It makes it seem so…vile. I mean, there’s nothing really wrong with telling someone they’re sweet, but making a name out of it just seems wrong. It’s especially irritating if it comes into play like a week after people get together. “I’ll come over after school, babe.” Just sounds wrong.
I was called princess by a guy once. It drove me mad. It’s cute coming from your parents until you reach the age of 8, but seriously? Unless your parents are calling you baby, or your mom is calling you “sweetie”, it just seems so…wrong. So don’t, seriously. Or at least, not in my presence.
Another thing that frustrates me beyond belief is insane PDAs. Look, I know I’ve done it, but once I began to have to see other people, it starts to gross me out. I don’t care about holding hands or a kiss here and there, but when you full-out make out and start dry humping in my presence, I won’t feel bad about getting up and leaving without a second glance. It’s just…..ew. And grabbing your girl’s butt when there’s people around? I can’t help but just want to grab your balls and crush them. It’s something that needs to stay in the bedroom or at least be somewhat secretive about. Ugh. Just typing about it is bothering me.

I love love. I love thinking about love. Love in general is spectacular. I’m not simply stating that because of my feelings in it, but because it makes everyone around happy. It makes the world a brighter place. Love is…Well, it just IS. There are different kinds of people in this world, but love is what makes us really become ourselves in the end. Love brings out the true colors of a person, be they a practical/logical person, a player, an obsessive person, or simply an irrational person.

Personally, I like to think that I’m the practical person.

If you just read this whole thing, props to you, my friend.

February 16, 2010

So I thought about writing a blog, but I figure then I have to deal with a whole other website, and I'll probably forget about it after a while.
That being said, I'm starting this up just for a little bit of free writing for myself. It seems like a good idea for myself, not having a ton of time to scribble everything down in my massive notebook.
If there's insane delays between posts, it simply means that I have nothing better to write about on that day.
This, being a blog, is meant for me to write down some thoughts of the day. It doesn't mean I'm going out of my way to single anyone out or anything. It's just what I'm thinking about, some things that I believe in, and how I would like to word them.
If you have your own philosophical view on it, write it into your own blog. Because you have a strong opinion about something in my blog being wrong, that doesn't mean I really want to hear about it. It's not going to change the way that I think, so write about it yourself. Any comments like such will be deleted.