Sunday, November 13, 2011

I don't write much anymore. When I do, it's always personal writings.
I miss stories, poetry, and creativity.

I miss it.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

1. 1.Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?
Nick. Of course he did.
2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?
Sure. It’d only be a 2-year gap.
3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?
Pretty much all the time lately.
4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?
I do all the time. I go to a community college. I try not to be a total douche.
5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?
Heh, probably. Whatever. Not my problem :P
6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?
Yes, actually. I was watching Glee and they broke into ‘Bad Romance’ by Lady Gaga. I automatically thought of Crystal and Sam J
7. What exactly are you wearing right now?
Socks, jeans, Red Wings tee, sweatshirt. *shrug
8. How often do you listen to music?
A lot more than usual, lately. I’m always listening to music in my car, and when I’m at my computer playing Minecraft, which is a lot.
9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?
Jeans. If I owned more sweats I’d probably wear more sweats.
10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2012?
It already has. I doubt it’ll change any more than it already has.
11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?
Lately, antisocial. I like being around people I trust, and lately, I’ve learned that that’s a very small amount of people.
12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘B’?
Not that I know of..?
13. What about ‘S’?
14. Can you drive a stick shift?
Not well. I could if I needed to (like in an emergency or something)
15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?
Well obviously, yes. Everyone does. I just try to not let it get to me. Which it usually does.
16. Are you going out of town soon?

In two weeks! I’ll be going to a Red Wings game in Detroit with some really good friends :D
17. When was the last time you cried?
Last night. Unless you count crying at a movie, then today.
18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?
Every single day.
19. If you could change your eye color, would you?
Possibly? I really like bright green eyes, but I like my brown eyes.
20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?
Yes. I wouldn’t call him a ‘boy’ though.
21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.
I’m freezing.
22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?
It all depends on the situation. Usually, yes.
23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?
Nope. I’m at home with my family. Dating one of them would be wrong.
24. What are you sitting on right now?
A pillow that is on a wooden chair!
25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?
This question seems to pop up all over on here. Yes. Nick does every day.
26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Obviously. I was in middle school once.
27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?
Nick. I always text him right before I fall asleep.
28. Do you get a lot of colds?

Not what I would call ‘a lot,’ but I get at least one or two a year.
29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?
Some store in the mall. They have lots of sports stuff.
30. Does anyone hate you?
Probably. I wouldn’t be surprised.
31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?
I wouldn’t call the inside of my mini fridge hidden.
32. Do you like watching scary movies?

NO. I hate that sensation of jumping when something appears out of nowhere. And scary movies that could be real freak me out even more.
33. Do you want your tongue pierced?
Hell no. I just stick to my ears.
34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?
Sophomore year. I don’t like remembering the kind of person I was then.
35. Did you have a dream last night?
I’m sure I did. I didn’t have one that I could remember, though.
36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?
This question again! About 15 minutes ago. In a text.
37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?
I really hope so.
38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?
Sure. I have a family, and friends, and enemies. Everyone I know has some sort of feeling towards me.
39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
I just got texted, so apparently.
40. Did you have a good day yesterday?
Sure did. I love my job so much J
41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?
Yep. Have been for over 2 years now J
42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?

Probably not.
43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?
Yeah. And he did.
44. What’s the best part about school?

Learning something that genuinely interests me.
45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

Yeah. Quite a few. I think I’ve recently passed the 1500 mark.
46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?
Sometimes to my brother, who sits next to me.
47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?
Way more often than I should.
48. Were you single over the last summer?
Nope :D
49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?
Well, two years ago I would have just started dating Nick. So yeah. It’s different now than it was then. We don’t constantly make googly eyes at each other anymore xD
50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?
Nothing. I’m watching a movie, filling this out, tumbling, and drinking water. Woooooo
51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?
Nope. I love my little brother a lot :D
52. Are you nice to everyone?

Hahahahah no.
53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?
Yep. Turns out she didn’t like me nearly as much as she let on. Thanks for that, by the way.
54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?
Yes. And I have. It’s been over 2 years, and I have never considered it for a second.
55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?
Depends on who I’m hiding them from.
56. Do you think you like someone?
I think it’s probably a little bit more than that.
57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘T’?

Well, my older brother’s name is Tim, and I’m sure I’ve kissed him at some point or another.
58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?
Depends on how much in common we have. The girls that I’m really close to are just like me and don’t bullshit and drama around. That’s why I usually get along better with guys.
59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?
60. Do you hate anyone?
61. How’s your heart?
Happy :]
62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?
Sure. Everyone has their regrets and aches.
63. Have you ever cried over a guy?
Duh. Once again, I was a middle school girl once.
64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?

Hahahaha there’s a few people.
65. Are your toenails painted pink?
Nope. Aqua.
66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?
Definitely not.
67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?
Wrong. Seeing Nick unhappy breaks my heart.
68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?
Not that I know of.
69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?
I’m not sure. Pete maybe?
70. How do you look right now?
Like a hot mess :P I haven’t done a dang thing all day.
71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?
Sure do. He’s my best friend and the love of my life.
72. Can you commit to one person?
Yes. And I have.
73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
Yup. :D
74. Have you ever felt replaced?
You have no idea.
75. Did you wake up cranky?
Not really. I woke up still sleepy.
76. Are you a jealous person?
I can be. I try not to be.
77. Are relationships ever worth it?
78. Anyone you’re giving up on?
There’s a few. It’s not worth fighting for if I’m the only one working for it.
79. Currently wanting to see anyone?
yes. And he’ll be here within the next 10 minutes, I’m sure.
80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?
Go to school. Bummmmerrrrr.
81. Last person you cried in front of?
82. Is there someone you will never forget?
Yep. I have a family, duh.
83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?
He can be, depending on the situation.
84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?
This question is not applicable to me.
85. Are you over your past?
Yes. And no. Sometimes waves of memories and nostalgia give me really horrible days.
86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?
Yes. And we’ve been together for over two years now.
87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?
Hmmm. Well, with Nick I avoid the lady talk, but I suppose he wouldn’t argue if I did.
88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?
Definitely not. I’d accept his apology, yes. But that doesn’t mean I’d get back together with him.
89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?
Depends on why he’s there at 3 AM.
90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?
hahahaha yes.
91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?
Yes :D
92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?
93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?
94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?
Yep. Splendid :D
95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?
Sure was!
96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?
So sexy.
97. Who do you have texts from?
Pete, Nick, Dad, Matt, Mike, Sam, Ben, Eric, Nicole, Theresa, Becca
98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?
Well that blows.
99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?
Ummmm yes.
100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?
Nicholas :D
101. Ever kissed under fireworks?
102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?
Yeah. Every day :D

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Got told vaguely to take responsibility for my actions this morning and to grow up.
Funny thing is, it wasn't to my face.
Funnier thing is getting the silent treatment.
Oh and the fact that I'm being gossiped about behind my back.

Grow up?

I actually laughed out loud when I saw that.
Doesn't mean that I'm not royally pissed, though.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

You walked into my life.
Took everything I cared about.
Then left me to fend for myself.
My heart aches. Not because of what I've lost, but because of you.

It's all happening all over again.
And it's not okay.
None of this should be okay.

You keep going on and on about how much you love the people in your life.
What you don't understand is that I was one of those people, and I loved all of them too.
It feels like nothing between us ever mattered to you.

Am I worthless?

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Everything's spinning so fast that I can't see
I want it to be back when things were carefree
Sometimes it's so hard to believe
Especially when I can't just be me.

This came into my head while I was having some God time this evening.
I wish things were easier, but they aren't.
I wish I could slow down time and stick to the good times, but they never last.
It's hard to keep the faith when there's so many things just pulling on you.

But I've established this:
I really don't care what anyone thinks of me. I'm not going to hold back how I feel just because I don't want to hurt your feelings. It's like holding back telling someone that they have food on their face, or there's mascara everywhere. I just can't do it.
Take that however you want, whether it makes you think I'm rude, inconsiderate, or startling. I just can't stand when people hold things in, which is why I try to not do it.
It's actually something I used to do constantly. I was so concerned with what others thought, but I've realized that's just something that damages self-esteem even more. I don't care how I look. I don't care if it's embarrassing for you; if your fly is down, I'm going to let you know. I don't want to be that person that everyone's always trying to figure out.
I'd much rather be happy with just a few friends that totally get me and that totally understand where I'm coming from, than be miserable with a ton of friends that only know me for the fake person that I am.
*sigh* But then when someone calls you out on it, it hurts. A lot. And it's not like it's my fault. It's the way I am. I've trained myself to not hold back. If you can't handle me, then don't hang around. I hate people that aren't straight up. I want people to love me for me, not for what I've done or the mistakes I make. That's the whole idea of what God wants love to be like, anyway.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Things are changing.
I don't know why I'm using this to post. I've got a gorgeous journal sitting on my nightstand and I usually use tumblr to express most things that I'm thinking about.
For some reason, right now is different.
Right now, in this moment, I feel different.
And I don't like it.
I hate change. I don't know how to handle it, and things are changing all around me. Friends, relationships, work, school, family, money, everything.
I don't know what to do but sit in a corner and let everything go to God. But it's so hard to do. I don't know how to release everything that I always feel so in control of and let God handle it. I'm scared.
What's happening to us?
Is anything going to go back to the way it was?
I feel like everything we have is being destroyed by a single conversation.
I feel like our closeness is determined by how well we get along.
I feel like I'm constantly being talked about.
Like everyone's laughing at me.
Pointing at me.

Monday, March 7, 2011

I started a tumblr.
I don't know how often I'll use either, but hey, it's something new.

If you're reading this, I'm going to try moving to


Sunday, March 6, 2011

Things that made me happy today:
Sleeping in, spring break, Nick.
Things that are annoying: My skin, my need for food, and people.

I'm sleepy, feeling creative, and I'm incredibly bored.

I want to be constructive. I'm sick of watching movies and being lazy. I just can't think of anything worthwhile that I feel like doing.
The color of the day today is dark green. Yep. That's what it feels like.

I don't really have anything else to say today.
I think I'll just go to bed early today.

Today's picture is from 2/18/11. Nick brought me to a hockey game, and here we are sitting in our spectacular seats before the game started.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Mom and Dad just enjoyed a nice 4 day trip in Vegas. Now they're stuck in Chicago.
So I'm having another quiet night to myself.
It's hot in my living room and Mike and I are just being cozy. This is one happy kitty.
I'm so sleepy, but sleep just doesn't seem like a good idea right now.

I'm currently watching the first Harry Potter movie, mostly because I've been playing the LEGO Harry Potter game on my ipod lately, and it made me want to watch the movies. The acting in the first one is absolutely awful. It's almost funny.

I feel like I've been taken for granted recently. I don't know if I've always been treated this way, or perhaps I'm just noticing that people think I'm 'below' them. The way I've been talked to's as if I'm some kind of lesser being.
I just don't know how to react to people judging me this way.
Le sigh.

Picture of the post:

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Nick's birthday was yesterday. It was a good day. We went for brunch, wandered meijer, and spent the afternoon watching movies and playing video games.
Last week, I attempted to plan a surprise birthday party for him at bdubs with all of his friends. After that, it all went downhill. Which is a little funny, now, but it wasn't when everything was happening.
Thursday, Nick got hired at Mike's Pizza, and got scheduled to work on Friday. I got really upset and the surprise was no longer a surprise.
Turns out, he got out of work early enough for this 'surprise' to still take place, so we ended up at bdubs. Half the people I had invited bailed, which was incredibly frustrating.
After that, we had a blast. Sam, Sam, Dom, Nick, and I had a blast. We had an AWFUL waitress, and we had some...interesting conversations.
We saw an incredibly sketchy van while singing the pokemon theme.
Then we had a cake with re-lighting candles.
Sam almost dropped the cake, and then Sam Ward poured 5 glasses of st. julian's instead of 4.
We then sat around and watched jackass on TV for awhile and enjoyed some quality sugar comas.

It was a good weekend. Now I'm onto day 2 of my weekly grind, and spring break starts at 9 AM on THURSDAY YAAAYYYYYY!
Not that it's all that exciting, but when I'm done with all my homework and the like that I have over Spring Break, I'll be able to concentrate on doing whatever I want.

We've been talking about a camping trip to Colorado for this summer, and I think it's actually going to happen. 10 days of hiking, campfires, and having a good time. Wow. Summer, come sooner.
And if this trip actually happens, I'm going to need to get into better shape. This morning I started a good workout routine, with 20 minutes of running, a mass amount of pushups and crunches, topped off with a bowl of cheerios and a nice shower.
Man, morning classes rock. I'm getting ready to take a nap, and it isn't even noon yet. Go me!

Right now I'm thinking about that trip and about mountains and God's scenery. So here's today's picture.
And to think...
I've never seen mountains before.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

I just reformatted my computer. I have my mouse plugged in and the pointing device on my laptop is driving me crazy. It's insanely sensitive so I have to be incredibly careful when I type.
Reformatting your computer is a little bit like cleaning out the garbage. Except I get to go through an entire terabyte of data and get rid of everything I no longer want on my computer. It's not so bad, until I find things that I had completely forgotten about and get totally distracted for a while. Hence me writing in my blog. I haven't updated for a while and I found the below 'survey' thing on my computer. So I filled it out and I'm putting it here. I guess it gives me an excuse to type for a little bit.

Besides, writing about how things are going in my life feels nice every now and then. Sometimes it's hard to explain how I feel out loud, and writing it all out is much easier.
Recently, I've been feeling alienated at work. I've said it before, but now every time I get dressed for work, I dread how it's going to feel when I get there. Usually it's all worry about nothing, but there are days when I notice that I just don't fit in anymore. I'm turning 20 in 2 months, and some of the girls that I work are just turning 17. It's strange. I've experienced a whole different side of the world than some of these girls have, and the way I approach life, let alone work, is so different.
It's just odd, now, I guess. I don't like it. I feel like we don't relate. What's worse is when there's hangouts that not only do I not get invited to, but the nights when there's hangouts and the other girls get invited in FRONT of me, and I hear nothing about it until I see the "Oh we had so much fun tonight!" on facebook. Ugh. It just hurts, I guess.
Music makes things better. Sometimes I forget how much of a 'therapy' it can be. Music and video games. I've been playing a lot of halo with my brother recently, and I've been hanging out with Mike Murphy a few times a week recently as well.
It's nice, being able to relate on that front. Anyway. READDDDD haha
Oh, and here's a picture for right now, because I just found it on my computer.


HAHAHAH I laugh every time.


1. I want to be a super hero.
2. I love watching Disney movies
3. I'm really loud and incredibly annoying…a lot of the time.


1. I have a steady job to pay bills
2. I do laundry
3. I read for fun


1. Be stress-free
2. Go on a tropical vacation
3. Find the job that I really love


1. I love video games
2. I like football and hockey
3. I eat junk food all the time


1. I love chocolate and ice cream
2. I really enjoy Harry Potter
3. I like to scrapbook and take lots of pictures


1. Fly in an airplane
2. Go on a vacation without my family
3. Some crazy fancy food


1. My ability to have fun
2. My morals and religious beliefs
3. I have and keep good grades


1. I think too much
2. I worry about unnecessary things
3. I forgive too easily


1. The dark
2. Really large insects
3. Deep water


1. Clothes
2. Water
3. Laughter


1. Good sense of humor
2. Logical
3. Respectful/Honest


1. Sleep enough
2. Hate
3. Win a fight


1. Something with writing
2. Something in music
3. A planner

TEN things you wish you could say to ten different people right now:

1. You’re incredibly self-centered. Sometimes I wonder why I wanted to be with you so badly. It makes me hate you sometimes, and then I remember how much fun we always had.

2. I believe in God. If that bothers you, I don’t think I want to be friends with you. I try to be tolerant, but your lack of tolerance about my faith REALLY pisses me off.

3. I’m so glad you came back into my life. It’s been lonely without close friends lately.

4. I'm really glad that you and I became good friends. I don't know what I'd do without you now.

5. Thanks for always looking out for me. I'm glad you're so protective of me.

6. You're about as fearsome as a doorstop.

7. I want to try that Florida trip the way it was supposed to be. Me and you.

8. I loved you. You don’t even understand that. I loved you, and couldn’t bear the possibility of hurting you. So I let you go. Because I had to, not because I wanted to. I couldn’t watch you live that way.

9. Sometimes, I wonder what would have happened if I ever did go on that date with you. What would we have become?

10. You are brilliant. I only wish that I could see the world the way you do.

NINE places you feel at home:

1. My house
2. Nick's house
3. Work
4. Anywhere safe
5. Church
6. With friends
7. In my car (when it’s functional)

EIGHT ways to win your heart:

1. Have fun with me
2. Live your own life
3. have goals
4. Be respectful
5. hold my hand
6. Be honest
7. listen to me and be able to talk with me
8. support me

SEVEN people of the opposite sex who mean or meant a lot to you:

1. Dad
2. Pete & Tim & Jamal
3. Nick & daddeh
4. The Sams
5. Mike Murphy
6. Matt Lacina
7. Bufface

SIX people of the same sex who mean a lot to you:

1. Momma
2. My sisters
3. Lauren and Lauren
4. Emily & Becca
5. Ryann & Cari & Their momma
6. The rest of the work girls J Kate, Nay, Paigey, Mrs. Kang, Nicole

FIVE things that cross your mind a lot:

1. Family..
2. Friends/Nick
3. School
4. Money
5. Time

FOUR things you do before you fall asleep:

1. pjs
2. take out contacts
3. set alarm
4. Fluff bed

THREE songs that mean something to you:

1. Finally Home - MercyMe
2. Forgive Me – Rebecca St. James
3. Dead! – My Chemical Romance (even if I don’t want it to mean anything, it’s still there)

TWO confessions:

1. I hold back most of my emotional issues.
2. I get really jealous sometimes.

ONE thing your thinking about right now:

Right at this moment? My brain is exploding because I have awesome headphones on and I’m listening to dubstep really loud. It’s a little hard to think.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

I really hate not being able to find socks that match.
Mostly because the fabric of different brands feels different. I can't stand going barefoot when it's cold, so today I'm stuck wearing one blue sock and one white sock. It makes me feel silly.

Nick brought me to a Griffins game last night. It was so fun. I'm so proud that he's become such a hockey fan. During the game I caught 3 certificates to Play n 1 get one free. Which is pretty exciting. So in a few minutes, Pete and I are going to pick up some new games.

Went and saw Liam Neeson's new movie, Unknown, yesterday. It's pretty neat. Combine Taken with the Bourne Series, and you've got that movie.
And, me being such a Liam Neeson fan, I loved it.
It's so full of badassery. The plot twists are pretty sweet, too.

I really like the name Liam. It's different, but not to the point where it's weird if you meet someone with the name. Kind of like 'Leah'. I don't know very many Leahs, and I'm pretty sure I only know one Liam.
It's so easy for me to think of boy names that I like, but someday, if I ever have a girl, I have no idea what I'd call her. heh.

Liam Neeson Pictures, Images and Photos

Seriously! Could he be any more of a bamf?

Thursday, February 17, 2011

I've been so stressed out lately that I'm gaining weight. I need to stop eating so much junk, but the sad thing is that I'm eating the same amount of junk that I always have.
I don't feel like I'm gaining weight; All of my clothes fit just as they always have. But apparently I've gained quite a bit since my last doctor's appointment...
Ugh. Lovely.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Happy day after Valentine's Day, everyone. In the past 3 nights, I've made more money at work than I have in the last month.
Needless to say, I'm feeling like I'm making a lot of progress.

Speaking of progress...

It's been almost 2 years since high school. I thought high school was some of the best days of my life.
Things are so different now.
While things haven't changed for others, my entire world has become completely different.
New friends, new 'family' makes me really happy.
Everything is
I like having new friends. It's a big change, but it's good.

I don't constantly feel judged.
I'm so comfortable and happy.
that 70s show Pictures, Images and Photos
I love this show.
I'm watching that 70s show. So typing is taking forever. I'm really distracted.

Oh. I almost forgot. I'm glad that I'm not dealing with the same old drama and being backstabbed all the time.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

I'm thinking about starting a tumblr.
Maybe people would read this more. I'm not sure.
I don't even know who sees this. I don't know if anyone does.

Today I got hit by a ton of bricks. Some life-changing situations came into play, and even though it has nothing to do with me, it's a real eye-opener.

Megan, if you see this, I'm praying for you.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Yesterday was sad.
I found a cat in the parking lot of Buffalo Wild Wings, and the poor thing looked like it had been hit by a car. It was absolutely terrified, and there wasn't anything I could do for it. It just kind of hopped on it's back legs and was missing a lot of hair. *sigh* So sad.

I've been feeling really left out lately.
There will be times when the work girls get together after work and hang out, and then proceed to write on eachother's facebook walls about it. It wouldn't be so bad if someone would mention it to me.
What's worse is the last time this happened, the invite happened literally in front of me. Sure, I hang out with other people and see Nick a lot, but that doesn't mean that I wouldn't LOVE to have a girl's night.
It just makes me really sad. It feels the same way it did the summer after graduation. Just getting left out of the loop.

Today's picture is of Mike. Because this kitty makes me SO happy.


Tuesday, February 1, 2011

The dry air is killing my nose. I keep getting nosebleeds. I'm not sick, my nose just hurts.
The winter storm of the year is upon us, my friends, and it's pretty awesome. It looks so pretty outside. It just reminds me of the majesty that our God is.
I'm staying the night at Nick's because driving is so bad. I'm so excited to sleep in a bed that's bigger than mine in a room that isn't covered in ice.

February has begun, which means that Valentine's Day is in two weeks, and Nick's birthday is coming up. Exciting, eh?

I thought this picture was pretty. So I put it on here. I think I'm going to have a picture every time I post. It adds a little bit to the pretty bland page that is my blogspot.

dec '10' snow Pictures, Images and Photos

Also, Mike Murphy is awesome.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Finally, I've stopped being sick.
I think all the hours of Mass Effect 1 and 2 have helped a bit.
Valentine's Day is two weeks from tomorrow. I don't know if I really care. I don't look forward to the day, because it's overrated, but a part of me wishes I celebrated it. I can't exactly say why.
Nick's birthday is exactly two weeks after that.
Then comes March.
We're almost there, kids.
Either way...
Is it summer yet? Pictures, Images and Photos

I can't wait.

I'm incredibly boring. Yet I like to have my fun adventures. I just wish that there were people to share them with. I have friends, but I feel like the odd one out. I'm the girl in the group of guys, and I feel out of place in the group of girls.
Work has been...really really depressing for me lately. All the inside jokes that I'm not a part of and the stories that I don't hear just make me sad. I want to be a part of it, but I just don't belong. I can't connect, even though we have so much in common.

Friday, January 21, 2011

That was an incredibly long week. School, Work, Sleep, Repeat is my motto for this week, because that's seriously all I did.
I'm so tired but can't sleep because this blasted cold won't stop making my nose super stuffy.
Thursday morning, I drove downtown to class, waited outside the classroom for 20 minutes, and then checked GRCC's website. Turns out, the professor marked himself as absent at 7:43. Class starts at 7:45. It wouldn't have made a difference if I checked at home or not, because I wouldn't have known he wasn't there. So I drove downtown, paid for parking, and drove home on Thursday morning. I would've been thrilled, but that's pretty much $15 out of my pocket for no reason. Thanks a lot, community college.

I'm really wanting a little bit of romance in my life right now. Sure, that might be the 'time of the month' talking, but don't you think every lady deserves some, if not at least ONCE in a while?
I'm really frustrated about my boots situation. Nick bought some for me for Christmas and they didn't fit, so we returned them to get them in a smaller size. Turns out the size I need doesn't even exist in black. Great. So I'm out boots.
Then the fan that Nick got me for Christmas crapped out on me last night. I mean, really? That's just awful. I really want him to be able to return it and keep the money for it. I doubt he ever would. He spent so much money on the whole thing, and silly man, fans are seasonal and are so expensive at this time of the year. What were you thinking?
It just makes me really upset. The whole season is bringing me down. I just want warmth. I want summer back so bad. This season of sickness and colds is driving me crazy.

I wish people would listen to me some more. I make a suggestion to someone and it gets ignored. Then about 3 days later I get bitched at or someone takes out their frustration on me because they didn't follow the suggestion that I placed.
Take last week, for example. Weekend started on Thursday. I worked on Thursday. I told Nick it would be a perfect opportunity for him to do his homework, because I wouldn't be able to text him so he'd have nothing to distract him.
Nope. Video games or something instead. Come Monday, I can hardly talk to the kid because he's got to get his homework done before he has to go to work that night. Dandy.
Then I get yelled at for being upset about something like this. I never pull the "I told you so," but I sure would like to.

I've been sick pretty much since September. Sure, I get better for a few days, and then it just comes back. I've had this sore throat/stuffy nose thing since last Tuesday, and who knows when it'll get any better.
I'm pretty sure it's because of this house. I need open windows and fresh air; my body can't handle the dust and mildew that's in this house. I'm constantly sneezing and coughing. Poop.
I'm miserable. Someone put me to sleep for a few months. When finals season is here, I'll be dancing and doing cartwheels. Just you watch.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Freedom. That was all we felt. It was a weekly thing, but those moments crammed into my '96 Buick Regal were some of the best. We always had way too many people packed into the back seat, and the smell of sunscreen was overwhelming. We were excited, to say the least, about our Friday trips to the beach. The music was loud, the windows were down, and Nick's warm hand tickled my knee as I pushed the accelerator onward, with my sun-bleached hair flying in and out of my eyes. However, today felt different. The people were the same, and the car made the same noises, and our skin reflected the sunlight from the moisture of sunblock as it always did. But for some reason, I felt out of place. It wasn't long after we arrived that I knew the reason.

I wrote that in a freewriting session this morning in my English 102 class. I really like it. The strange thing is that I'm not even sure if it's real. I wrote it as if it were a memory and I had pulled it out of my head like any other summer afternoon, but I couldn't tell you if it actually happened or not. Strange. I like it.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

A few notable notes of the day:

Don't be a woman that needs a man. Be the woman a man needs.
Sometimes, we have to be happy with what other people can offer us. Even if it's not what we want. At least it's something.
Don't waste your whole life trying to get back what was taken away.
*If you really wanna live, don't give a damn about what others say or think and just do what you want to do.*
No matter how hard the past has been, you can always begin again.

I really really want Reese's peanut butter cups.

Monday, January 10, 2011

So this morning, I'm driving to class, and listening to the radio.
I guess the government is making it illegal to make any form of web page impersonating someone else, by penalty of massive 'damages fees'.
This makes me a little bit happy. There's reasons why, but going into detail right now would just bring up past frustrations and that's the past and isn't something I want to think about now.

Right now, I'm thinking about the future.
About my life.
Not so much my profession or schooling, but where I want to be emotionally and spiritually in the future.
I'm excited, nervous, and scared about what's next in life, but I know that whatever happens, God is there. I guess that's something I don't dwell on enough.
I want to be closer to God. I need to depend on him more.
As far as emotional stability, I feel like I have it. Sure, I'm moody and have hard days, but I have definitely found a home for my heart in Nick Zourdos.
He's my best friend, my confidant, my perfect teammate, and my wise listener.
He's my partner in crime, and I love him.
Nick, having you in my life is a great fit. I just want you to know that. You really do mean the world to me, even if I get pissy and throw a fit about how you're late, or you didn't do your homework, or you're not paying attention to me.

I guess this is where I'd put some silly mushy nickname-calling about how Nick is my Nicky-poo or something disturbing like that, but I can proudly say that we don't have that kind of thing.

You make me happy.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Woke up with some frustration this morning.

People need to get over themselves. Especially those who depend on pills to go through day-to-day life.

Sometimes I get accused for thinking I'm better than others.

The fact is, I do think I'm better. I'm not going to lie about that.
I think that's where the big problems come from. Everyone is self-absorbed. It's when we're so self-centered that we don't realize that the things we say and do to other people are so hurtful.
When you yell at someone for waking you up in the morning, only to find out that they only wanted you to come down for breakfast, it can change the entire outlook of the day.

I don't claim to be selfless. Far from it. But it's the fact that I can admit to it that makes me feel...better.
I just wish that others would do the same.

Either that, or I really wish that I was allowed to bite your head off when you're being incredibly irrational and thinking of nothing outside your own little box.
Can't anyone ever put others first anymore?

Saturday, January 1, 2011


Apologies for the massive pictures. I'm way too lazy to resize them all now.


1. Took a road trip with Nick to Chicago.

2. Drove to Canada with my parents to visit my grandma; Had my first beer in a restaurant

3. Finished my first year of college (waiting a year and working has its perks. I have no student loans!)

4. After May hit, I was at the beach at least once a week.

5. Went to my Nick's prom; saw a lot of old "friends" from high school

6. Went flying just for fun with a friend that is a pilot

7. Threw one massive party at my house for my dad’s 50th birthday party; went through a whole keg and then some.

8. Saw Star Wars in Concert

9. Bought an unnecessary amount of fireworks and almost lit my house on fire on the 4th of July

10. Tried a ton of new foods; I now love stir fry, sushi, and Korean food.

My first time ever on a plane. Sitting right behind the pilot.

My first *legal* alcoholic beverage.

My back yard on the 4th of July.

Nick's senior prom. Yeah. He wore a top hat and carried a cane.

Star Wars in Concert. Easily one of the coolest things I have ever seen in my life. But that’s probably because I love orchestral music.

My co-workers have become a second family to me. We’re the best sisters ever. Who needs a sorority?

3. My new years plans consisted of me hanging out with a bunch of my friends and watching TV. We didn’t really do anything in particular. We just had some fun. It was excellent.

4. Dear unnamed,
I’m not bent out of shape that we don’t talk anymore. You have your life and I have mine, but sometimes I wish you’d just get over yourself and stop talking about me behind my back. You have no idea who I am anymore, considering we haven’t spoken since new year’s eve last year, so I’m pretty sure it’s to the point where you can just leave me alone now. I was never mean to you, so why must you insist on being suck an asshole to me?

5. Here’s me, last year on January 2nd.

6. There’s a lot of things I’d like to change. I’d like to eat less junk, exercise more, and spend more time with God. But we all know that I like to eat, and I’m incredibly lazy. I guess that means my faith is gonna grow even more J

7. I’ve gotten really close to quite a few people. All my co-workers count as one, because naming all of them would take up the list of 5.
Then there’s Nick’s friends. I’ve really gotten to know them this year, and that makes me incredibly happy.
I’ve gotten even closer to Nick this year. We’ve had our ‘fights’, our ups and downs, and we work together to get through it.
As always, I’ve gotten closer to Pete. Sure, he’s my brother, but there’s something new every day with him. Gosh I love him so much.
I’ve become incredibly close to God, too. It’s been hard to keep on trusting Him, but I know that He’s always there.

8. My resolution?

Uh. I don’t have one. Resolutions are for pussies.