The minute you start caring about what other people think is the minute you stop being yourself.

Growing up sometimes means leaving people behind, & by the time we stand on our own two feet, we're standing there alone.

I don't write much anymore. When I do, it's always personal writings.
I miss stories, poetry, and creativity.

I miss it.

1. 1.Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?
Nick. Of course he did.
2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?
Sure. It’d only be a 2-year gap.
3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?
Pretty much all the time lately.
4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?
I do all the time. I go to a community college. I try not to be a total douche.
5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?
Heh, probably. Whatever. Not my problem :P
6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?
Yes, actually. I was watching Glee and they broke into ‘Bad Romance’ by Lady Gaga. I automatically thought of Crystal and Sam J
7. What exactly are you wearing right now?
Socks, jeans, Red Wings tee, sweatshirt. *shrug
8. How often do you listen to music?
A lot more than usual, lately. I’m always listening to music in my car, and when I’m at my computer playing Minecraft, which is a lot.
9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?
Jeans. If I owned more sweats I’d probably wear more sweats.
10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2012?
It already has. I doubt it’ll change any more than it already has.
11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?
Lately, antisocial. I like being around people I trust, and lately, I’ve learned that that’s a very small amount of people.
12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘B’?
Not that I know of..?
13. What about ‘S’?
Nope.
14. Can you drive a stick shift?
Not well. I could if I needed to (like in an emergency or something)
15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?
Well obviously, yes. Everyone does. I just try to not let it get to me. Which it usually does.
16. Are you going out of town soon?

In two weeks! I’ll be going to a Red Wings game in Detroit with some really good friends :D
17. When was the last time you cried?
Last night. Unless you count crying at a movie, then today.
18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?
Every single day.
19. If you could change your eye color, would you?
Possibly? I really like bright green eyes, but I like my brown eyes.
20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?
Yes. I wouldn’t call him a ‘boy’ though.
21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.
I’m freezing.
22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?
It all depends on the situation. Usually, yes.
23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?
Nope. I’m at home with my family. Dating one of them would be wrong.
24. What are you sitting on right now?
A pillow that is on a wooden chair!
25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?
This question seems to pop up all over on here. Yes. Nick does every day.
26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Obviously. I was in middle school once.
27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?
Nick. I always text him right before I fall asleep.
28. Do you get a lot of colds?

Not what I would call ‘a lot,’ but I get at least one or two a year.
29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?
Some store in the mall. They have lots of sports stuff.
30. Does anyone hate you?
Probably. I wouldn’t be surprised.
31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?
I wouldn’t call the inside of my mini fridge hidden.
32. Do you like watching scary movies?

NO. I hate that sensation of jumping when something appears out of nowhere. And scary movies that could be real freak me out even more.
33. Do you want your tongue pierced?
Hell no. I just stick to my ears.
34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?
Sophomore year. I don’t like remembering the kind of person I was then.
35. Did you have a dream last night?
I’m sure I did. I didn’t have one that I could remember, though.
36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?
This question again! About 15 minutes ago. In a text.
37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?
I really hope so.
38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?
Sure. I have a family, and friends, and enemies. Everyone I know has some sort of feeling towards me.
39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
I just got texted, so apparently.
40. Did you have a good day yesterday?
Sure did. I love my job so much J
41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?
Yep. Have been for over 2 years now J
42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?

Probably not.
43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?
Yeah. And he did.
44. What’s the best part about school?

Learning something that genuinely interests me.
45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

Yeah. Quite a few. I think I’ve recently passed the 1500 mark.
46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?
Sometimes to my brother, who sits next to me.
47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?
Way more often than I should.
48. Were you single over the last summer?
Nope :D
49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?
Well, two years ago I would have just started dating Nick. So yeah. It’s different now than it was then. We don’t constantly make googly eyes at each other anymore xD
50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?
Nothing. I’m watching a movie, filling this out, tumbling, and drinking water. Woooooo
51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?
Nope. I love my little brother a lot :D
52. Are you nice to everyone?

Hahahahah no.
53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?
Yep. Turns out she didn’t like me nearly as much as she let on. Thanks for that, by the way.
54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?
Yes. And I have. It’s been over 2 years, and I have never considered it for a second.
55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?
Depends on who I’m hiding them from.
56. Do you think you like someone?
I think it’s probably a little bit more than that.
57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘T’?

Well, my older brother’s name is Tim, and I’m sure I’ve kissed him at some point or another.
58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?
Depends on how much in common we have. The girls that I’m really close to are just like me and don’t bullshit and drama around. That’s why I usually get along better with guys.
59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?
Sure.
60. Do you hate anyone?
No.
61. How’s your heart?
Happy :]
62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?
Sure. Everyone has their regrets and aches.
63. Have you ever cried over a guy?
Duh. Once again, I was a middle school girl once.
64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?

Hahahaha there’s a few people.
65. Are your toenails painted pink?
Nope. Aqua.
66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?
Definitely not.
67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?
Wrong. Seeing Nick unhappy breaks my heart.
68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?
Not that I know of.
69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?
I’m not sure. Pete maybe?
70. How do you look right now?
Like a hot mess :P I haven’t done a dang thing all day.
71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?
Sure do. He’s my best friend and the love of my life.
72. Can you commit to one person?
Yes. And I have.
73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
Yup. :D
74. Have you ever felt replaced?
You have no idea.
75. Did you wake up cranky?
Not really. I woke up still sleepy.
76. Are you a jealous person?
I can be. I try not to be.
77. Are relationships ever worth it?
Always.
78. Anyone you’re giving up on?
There’s a few. It’s not worth fighting for if I’m the only one working for it.
79. Currently wanting to see anyone?
yes. And he’ll be here within the next 10 minutes, I’m sure.
80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?
Go to school. Bummmmerrrrr.
81. Last person you cried in front of?
Nick.
82. Is there someone you will never forget?
Yep. I have a family, duh.
83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?
He can be, depending on the situation.
84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?
This question is not applicable to me.
85. Are you over your past?
Yes. And no. Sometimes waves of memories and nostalgia give me really horrible days.
86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?
Yes. And we’ve been together for over two years now.
87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?
Hmmm. Well, with Nick I avoid the lady talk, but I suppose he wouldn’t argue if I did.
88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?
Definitely not. I’d accept his apology, yes. But that doesn’t mean I’d get back together with him.
89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?
Depends on why he’s there at 3 AM.
90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?
hahahaha yes.
91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?
Yes :D
92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?
Nope.
93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?
Nope.
94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?
Yep. Splendid :D
95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?
Sure was!
96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?
So sexy.
97. Who do you have texts from?
Pete, Nick, Dad, Matt, Mike, Sam, Ben, Eric, Nicole, Theresa, Becca
98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?
Well that blows.
99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?
Ummmm yes.
100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?
Nicholas :D
101. Ever kissed under fireworks?
Yep.
102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?
Yeah. Every day :D

Got told vaguely to take responsibility for my actions this morning and to grow up.
Funny thing is, it wasn't to my face.
Funnier thing is getting the silent treatment.
Oh and the fact that I'm being gossiped about behind my back.

Grow up?
Heh.

I actually laughed out loud when I saw that.
Doesn't mean that I'm not royally pissed, though.

You walked into my life.
Took everything I cared about.
Then left me to fend for myself.
My heart aches. Not because of what I've lost, but because of you.

It's all happening all over again.
And it's not okay.
None of this should be okay.

You keep going on and on about how much you love the people in your life.
What you don't understand is that I was one of those people, and I loved all of them too.
It feels like nothing between us ever mattered to you.

Am I worthless?

Everything's spinning so fast that I can't see
I want it to be back when things were carefree
Sometimes it's so hard to believe
Especially when I can't just be me.

This came into my head while I was having some God time this evening.
I wish things were easier, but they aren't.
I wish I could slow down time and stick to the good times, but they never last.
It's hard to keep the faith when there's so many things just pulling on you.

But I've established this:
I really don't care what anyone thinks of me. I'm not going to hold back how I feel just because I don't want to hurt your feelings. It's like holding back telling someone that they have food on their face, or there's mascara everywhere. I just can't do it.
Take that however you want, whether it makes you think I'm rude, inconsiderate, or startling. I just can't stand when people hold things in, which is why I try to not do it.
It's actually something I used to do constantly. I was so concerned with what others thought, but I've realized that's just something that damages self-esteem even more. I don't care how I look. I don't care if it's embarrassing for you; if your fly is down, I'm going to let you know. I don't want to be that person that everyone's always trying to figure out.
I'd much rather be happy with just a few friends that totally get me and that totally understand where I'm coming from, than be miserable with a ton of friends that only know me for the fake person that I am.
*sigh* But then when someone calls you out on it, it hurts. A lot. And it's not like it's my fault. It's the way I am. I've trained myself to not hold back. If you can't handle me, then don't hang around. I hate people that aren't straight up. I want people to love me for me, not for what I've done or the mistakes I make. That's the whole idea of what God wants love to be like, anyway.