It's beginning to feel like Christmas.
I've been having so much fun shopping and wrapping presents and listening to Handel's Messiah.
Just like last year, there's a big pile of presents under my tree, and none for me. I don't like to sound selfish, but I've been working so hard to get everything sorted out, and I feel like no one really is noticing.
It was the same way last year. Then again, what do you get for a 20 year old?
I just wish my family felt as creative and spirited as I do. I'm loving this season. I've been wrapping presents all day, and now I'm working on finding a white elephant gift to give to my secret santa next saturday at the work party.
Oh goodness me time is flying. Next week wednesday, at around 10 AM, I will be on my way home from my last exam.
OHHHHH JOY.

I was just studying for my online English test tomorrow, and one of the big things that I focused on was writing an autobiography. In the context of the class, it suggests to write an autobiography on my writing.
However, it just brought on some thoughts of writing a REAL autobiography. Not that I would exactly know where to begin, and the whole of any autobiography about me would be pretty dry and boring, filled with me and playing GI Joes, Playmobil, and LEGOs with my brother, Pete.
It made me think though, about the main points of my life. I can't think back enough and focus on stages of my life. I hardly even remember middle school. I remember being in that massive co-ed clique, and us always trying to hang out and date and never succeeding.
Go from there to high school. That was when I really noticed my family, and how complicated we are. My sisters got pregnant, then my brother got his girlfriend pregnant, and I realized how different we really are.
Some serious spiritual battles were fought, and some complicated emotional issues were revealed. I found a new clique, and started to find myself.
Now I look at it all, going from all the complicated drama and look back on it now.
Vanity is the biggest thing that bothers me at this moment. My sisters. My friends. Even myself. It's frustrating for me to even talk to someone who is so full of him or herself that he or she cannot even acknowledge that mistakes have been made. I can't deal with your ego or the fact that you're so vain.
Maybe that's why my family drives me insane. That's a big reason why I'm happy with where I am in life.
Ugh. My mind is spinning. I can't focus on what I really want to say. Mostly because of what has happened with old blogs of mine; It seems that nothing of mine is really mine anymore. I can't say what's on my mind because I get yelled at for it. Hell, my own sister un-friended me on facebook the other day because I confronted her about one of her problems.
So where's the issue here?
I don't even know.

I want to feel like a princess again.
I want all my stresses to go away, and for everyone to appreciate me.
I wish all my hard work and effort would quit going unnoticed.

Maybe all I want for Christmas is to relax.
...someone get me a day at a spa.
Nah. I want sleep. Endless sleep that is no longer interrupted by a sore throat or this relentless stuffy nose.
I want to lay in my bed and cuddle my kitty all day.

I am so incredibly flustered.
Goodnight.

Just had a massive wave of nostalgia.
Sometimes, I really miss all the good times we had.

I carry a camera with me at almost all times. It makes capturing those perfect moments of laughter that much easier.
I saw one of those pictures today. It was from prom, two years ago. It's so strange, to see my face contorted into such an insane grin from laughing my face off with people that I feel like I hardly even know anymore.
If any of them see this, I hope they know that they've helped shape me into the person I've become.
It's not that bad. Sure, I don't know how to trust my closest friends or how to express my opinions without feeling like I'm getting backstabbed, but there are other things, better things, that make me who I've become.
It's easier for me to accept change now. It's much simpler to smile, instead of needing a reason.

I'm glad I have those pictures. I'm glad I can pull them up on facebook whenever I want. I'm happy that those memories are there.
Everything has changed. Everything is going to be different.
And I'm happy.
I really am.

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

Was learning cursive really necessary?

Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my own neighborhood.

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Bad decisions make good stories.

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after BluRay? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

"Do not machine was or tumble dry" means I will never wash this--ever.

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after i didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with alcohol than Kay.

I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word someone said?

I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber and dumber every year?

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you're going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers. But no matter what the mode of transportation, I will always hate bicyclists.

Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and pinning the tail on the donkey. But I'd bet my ass that everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

I don't want to be your best friend.
I don't want you to be comfortable with that.
I want you to want to win me over. I want you to want to have my heart.
I'm not saying much because I don't have anything to say to you. I've got plenty to say to my boyfriend, but not to you.
This is not how our relationship should be going.
I deserve more than this.
I just feel so wrong when I'm sitting with you in the car and you're not even noticing me.

I love surprises. I may not seem like a material kind of person, but I like to think that the little things matter.

I get incredibly frustrated at big things that I can't handle. It's hard, being me. But everyone says that, don't they?
When there's something I can't take care of, I crawl inside of myself and try to find a way to release it. It used to happen in writing. Now it just happens in tears.

I'm heartbroken. I'm lonely. I'm just a friend.
And the problem here is that the person who could fix it doesn't give a shit.