A few notable notes of the day:

Don't be a woman that needs a man. Be the woman a man needs.
Sometimes, we have to be happy with what other people can offer us. Even if it's not what we want. At least it's something.
Don't waste your whole life trying to get back what was taken away.
*If you really wanna live, don't give a damn about what others say or think and just do what you want to do.*
No matter how hard the past has been, you can always begin again.

I really really want Reese's peanut butter cups.
RIGHT NOW.

So this morning, I'm driving to class, and listening to the radio.
I guess the government is making it illegal to make any form of web page impersonating someone else, by penalty of massive 'damages fees'.
This makes me a little bit happy. There's reasons why, but going into detail right now would just bring up past frustrations and that's the past and isn't something I want to think about now.

Right now, I'm thinking about the future.
About my life.
Not so much my profession or schooling, but where I want to be emotionally and spiritually in the future.
I'm excited, nervous, and scared about what's next in life, but I know that whatever happens, God is there. I guess that's something I don't dwell on enough.
I want to be closer to God. I need to depend on him more.
As far as emotional stability, I feel like I have it. Sure, I'm moody and have hard days, but I have definitely found a home for my heart in Nick Zourdos.
He's my best friend, my confidant, my perfect teammate, and my wise listener.
He's my partner in crime, and I love him.
Nick, having you in my life is a great fit. I just want you to know that. You really do mean the world to me, even if I get pissy and throw a fit about how you're late, or you didn't do your homework, or you're not paying attention to me.

I guess this is where I'd put some silly mushy nickname-calling about how Nick is my Nicky-poo or something disturbing like that, but I can proudly say that we don't have that kind of thing.

SO.
Nick.
You make me happy.

Woke up with some frustration this morning.

People need to get over themselves. Especially those who depend on pills to go through day-to-day life.

Sometimes I get accused for thinking I'm better than others.

The fact is, I do think I'm better. I'm not going to lie about that.
I think that's where the big problems come from. Everyone is self-absorbed. It's when we're so self-centered that we don't realize that the things we say and do to other people are so hurtful.
When you yell at someone for waking you up in the morning, only to find out that they only wanted you to come down for breakfast, it can change the entire outlook of the day.

I don't claim to be selfless. Far from it. But it's the fact that I can admit to it that makes me feel...better.
I just wish that others would do the same.

Either that, or I really wish that I was allowed to bite your head off when you're being incredibly irrational and thinking of nothing outside your own little box.
Can't anyone ever put others first anymore?

2010

Apologies for the massive pictures. I'm way too lazy to resize them all now.

1. Took a road trip with Nick to Chicago.

2. Drove to Canada with my parents to visit my grandma; Had my first beer in a restaurant

3. Finished my first year of college (waiting a year and working has its perks. I have no student loans!)

4. After May hit, I was at the beach at least once a week.

5. Went to my Nick's prom; saw a lot of old "friends" from high school

6. Went flying just for fun with a friend that is a pilot

7. Threw one massive party at my house for my dad’s 50^th birthday party; went through a whole keg and then some.

8. Saw Star Wars in Concert

9. Bought an unnecessary amount of fireworks and almost lit my house on fire on the 4^th of July

10. Tried a ton of new foods; I now love stir fry, sushi, and Korean food.

My first time ever on a plane. Sitting right behind the pilot.

My first *legal* alcoholic beverage.

My back yard on the 4^th of July.

Nick's senior prom. Yeah. He wore a top hat and carried a cane.

Star Wars in Concert. Easily one of the coolest things I have ever seen in my life. But that’s probably because I love orchestral music.

My co-workers have become a second family to me. We’re the best sisters ever. Who needs a sorority?

3. My new years plans consisted of me hanging out with a bunch of my friends and watching TV. We didn’t really do anything in particular. We just had some fun. It was excellent.

4. Dear unnamed,
I’m not bent out of shape that we don’t talk anymore. You have your life and I have mine, but sometimes I wish you’d just get over yourself and stop talking about me behind my back. You have no idea who I am anymore, considering we haven’t spoken since new year’s eve last year, so I’m pretty sure it’s to the point where you can just leave me alone now. I was never mean to you, so why must you insist on being suck an asshole to me?

5. Here’s me, last year on January 2^nd.

6. There’s a lot of things I’d like to change. I’d like to eat less junk, exercise more, and spend more time with God. But we all know that I like to eat, and I’m incredibly lazy. I guess that means my faith is gonna grow even more J

7. I’ve gotten really close to quite a few people. All my co-workers count as one, because naming all of them would take up the list of 5.
Then there’s Nick’s friends. I’ve really gotten to know them this year, and that makes me incredibly happy.
I’ve gotten even closer to Nick this year. We’ve had our ‘fights’, our ups and downs, and we work together to get through it.
As always, I’ve gotten closer to Pete. Sure, he’s my brother, but there’s something new every day with him. Gosh I love him so much.
I’ve become incredibly close to God, too. It’s been hard to keep on trusting Him, but I know that He’s always there.

8. My resolution?

Uh. I don’t have one. Resolutions are for pussies.

After my previous post, I got a little sidetracked from what I was actually trying to write about.
Today isn't about the material things. It's about God.
Church last night really put it into perspective for me. We give each other gifts, but we forget that God gave us the most precious gift of all: Himself.
The way I saw it last night, is if God can put himself in a box (or in His case, a woman), and give Himself to us to save us from ourselves, then why can't we do the same for Him?
To truly let go of ourselves and let Him in. That's what we need this season. We think that a miracle at this time of the year is getting along with our relatives and enjoying the hard moments, but the real miracle is Him. The miracle that gives us life.

Learned a fun fact about Jesus yesterday.
The Bible has so many prophecies about the Messiah. There are so many little things that were said that the Christ would be, that there is a 1 in 100,000,000,000,000,000 chance that a person could fit all of those prophecies and requirements. My pastor put it into perspective. If you were to take a quarter, and put a circle on it, and put it in with 99,999,999,999,999,999 others, they would cover the entire state of Michigan TEN FEET TALL. Now find that one quarter that has a circle on it. That's the odds of finding the one person in the world that would fit all the old prophecies. It would take a miracle!
And God GAVE us that miracle. He gave us HIMSELF. It's hard to even comprehend.
Wow.
Just...wow.

And I forget that. It's hard to remember when I'm overloaded with the holiday stress on my shoulders. I love my family, but that doesn't mean that it's not hard at this time of the year.

I'm not entirely sure where I want to go with this right now.
First and foremost, it's Christmas. That's a given, considering the post date on this blog will be marked the 25th of December.
I'll go ahead and say I'm a little...disappointed with my family. I worked so hard to make this Christmas morning great for my family, but I feel like the thoughtfulness was all in vain. I feel like no one noticed how hard I've worked.
The only thoughtful gift I received was a gift certificate to my favorite sushi restaurant from my brother-in-law.
It's just irritating, I guess, because even my parents don't know me well enough to pick out shirts that I would wear. I'm literally returning half of what I received this morning, and I have no idea what I'll do with the money that I get.
Right now, I just want to crawl in my bed and sleep, but I can't. Ugh.
I just feel...really unfortunate. I log on to facebook and hear "I got everything I wanted!" and stuff like that. Parents going all-out on their kids, significant others showering each other...I just...UGH.
It's gross to me. And what's worse is that I feel really selfish for even saying this, because a huge part of the world doesn't even have the money to have such a 'celebration' on a day like today.

Then there's the problem that I've been having with punctuality. I can not STAND when someone doesn't show up when they're supposed to. It's been happening more and more lately, and the people I count on the most have been proving to be incredibly unreliable. I literally can not handle it.

I've been having big troubles finding a way to express myself. Today is one of them. Because of my family, I need to be happy and attempt to enjoy the fact that there's 16 people in my house and a bunch of screaming children. But that's incredibly difficult when the back of my mind is sobbing about what isn't happening in front of me. And then there's my troubles with being able to talk to people. I'm always so worried about pissing some people of by explaining what I'm feeling, so I just don't say anything. I just don't want this right now.

I'm sick of people shoving their perfect lives in my face. I just want to be alone for a while.

It's definitely Christmas season. Currently I am sitting at the kitchen table at Nick's house while his sisters make Christmas cookies. We made some cute gingerbread houses just a little while ago. The presents under the tree at my house are definitely overflowing my living room, but that's probably because the presents are for everyone, including grandkids.
But for some reason, these past few days have been really hard. I'm big on punctuality of people, and I really can't deal with people canceling plans on me. It's been happening a lot these past few days, and it's really irritating.
That and for some reason, a lot of past frustrations that I've just ignored have been resurfacing on my mind. Certain obligations are just overwhelming, even when they typically wouldn't be. Right now, I just really need to feel God's presence more than ever, and it's been really hard for me to get in touch with Him recently. It's not like I don't read my Bible or pray or even talk to Him, but it's just difficult to really feel it.
I'm hoping that this Christmas time will fix that up. I'm amazed at His grace, and I think that the whole Christmas reminder is a good way to return me to where I need to be.

I've been thinking a lot about closure lately. Closure that I haven't given, or that I've never received. I don't know why it just keeps coming into my mind...it makes me really sad.
Some seem to think that I owe them something. What? Now that just makes me angry.

My brother is now a man. He's 18 today. I'm AMAZED.
*sigh*
I just feel down. We'll see what happens next, I guess.