The best ideas of the day:

Some things I thought about today:
- I'm afraid of the future. I'm jealous of yours.
- I am so madly and incredibly in love with you. You really have no idea how perfect you are for me.
- Staying up so late and sleeping all day is somehow making me tired in the afternoons.

I had one messed up dream last night. At least, what I can remember was insanely weird.
Anyway, so in my dream I'm Darth Vader, right? I'm walking with some apprentice of mine through a jedi academy.
Apparently I'm the Darth Vader AFTER his body has been burned, because I'm slightly transparent and my lightsaber isn't red, it's purple.
We run into my brother, who is also at the academy, and my brother and I play this weird simulation game where you drive vehicles around and try to kill each other.
Pete won, but that's no surprise, he's the gaming king.
After that, my apprentice and I find this really dark room. I sensed not everything was alright, and suddenly we were attacked by buzz droids. We crawled through the space in the wall where the droids came from and suddenly we're in the cantina from A New Hope, but everything is LEGO.
I force pulled a box of junior mints off the wall, along with a box of bottle caps. Then my apprentice asked me to turn his jedi robes into a red suit. And I did.
Then I woke up.

....yeah.

Alright, so I haven't posted anything really interesting as of late.
I purchased a new monitor for my computer, and even though I'm using a laptop, I seriously enjoy having an extra monitor. I also got a new pair of speakers, but they probably won't be shipped to my house until at least Thursday. But still.
I have decided that I really really really want to build my own PC. I think over time I'll just save up some money. A 5 dollar bill here, two there, and eventually I might have enough saved up to build a computer worthy of...well, awesome. Ha.
My dad's birthday party was a big success, but it didn't come without frustration on my family's part.
Sometimes, I feel like people don't really understand the responsibilities that they're obligated to, whether or not they chose them.
For instance, if you're a mother, you really don't have the 'right' to go out and get as drunk as humanly possible and smoke weed until your brain falls out. That's just...well, really stupid. It's totally selfish and idiotic. I mean, guess what your child is learning?
Exactly.
You're an idiot. Grow up.
Ambition is another big thing that some people really NEED, but have none of. I've come to realize that having a college degree or diploma of some sort is completely necessary for me to make it at ALL in this world. I don't understand the idea of graduating high school and believing that you never have to sit in a classroom ever after graduation. Don't you want the best for yourself? What about your FAMILY? I'm not talking about your brothers and sisters, but what about your children? Your significant others?
I don't understand how you can possibly spend as much as you do on pot and smokes and alcohol and tattoos and have no way to move out. Stop being such a selfish person and take a little responsibility in your life. You may not have chosen to be a mom, but regardless, you ARE one. So BEHAVE like one. Smoking pot at your DAD'S birthday party isn't funny in any instance. You disgusting sex addict, get your priorities straight.

I'm alone a lot. I like it. I like my peace and quiet, but I really miss some things. I miss the big family dinners. I don't remember the last time we all sat down together to a family meal. Then again, if we were to have said meal, I'm quite certain I'd just get really frustrated.

I'm an incredibly blessed person.
As of tomorrow, Nick and I will have been dating for an entire year.
Actually, it will have been an entire year since we went on our first 'date'. We'd already been talking late into the night and knew that we liked each other far before June 23rd. But that doesn't make tomorrow any less special.
I am so unbelievably blessed. I've fallen in love with a man who knows what he wants. Nick knows what kind of person he wants to be and where his future is leading him to. I am just so lucky to be a part of it all.
He's my best friend, my love, and my confidant. He's the only person that actually tries to find ways to understand me. Nick is the one person that holds nothing back.
I don't know what's next for us, but whatever it is, it's going to be spectacular.

Typing the end of this post put me in so much a better mood than the first half.
haha I wonder why.

Happy 50th birthday, Dad!

Sometimes there just aren't enough rocks.

I've been glad, for the past few months, that I've moved on from the past.
I've grown up a little, be it in my relationship with Christ and my personal life. I'm comfortable with myself, which is a lot more than I could have said a year ago.
I'm going to just throw this out there:
Yeah. I made a big mistake. I hurt a lot of people, including myself. I did a lot of stupid things.
But I'm different now. I'm a completely different person than anyone remembers. In some ways, it's for the better, in others, for the worse.
I've experienced some things recently that have enraged me beyond all reason. I've seen lives shattered because of stupid things, and sometimes it feels *good* to know that I'm not the only one.
I deserve so much better. Better than someone impersonating myself just to show how full of themselves they are.
Sure, I was that person once. But I don't think anyone can really see what change does.

Oh, for the record, I know it was you.
It hurt really bad for a while, but at this point, I don't really care. Your seriously middle-school behavior just goes to show how full of yourself you seriously are. Yes. I DO think I'm better than you. Because I wouldn't sink so low just in an attempt to make myself look better.
I haven't spoken to you in almost a year, and you still haven't changed at all. You're the same horrid trash that you always were.
At least I grew out of it.

I like it here. You're right, I'm not in a *good* college. However, I am getting an education. And yes, a part of it was because I KNOW God didn't want it for me. You think it's funny, but I'm serious. And I'm glad for that. If I were still walking the path I was, I'd probably be a alcohol-infested, self-absorbed prick. I don't need any of that to enjoy my life. I just need Jesus. He'll show me where I'm supposed to be.

I have much better friends. There are people in my life that I can love and love me in return. And thanks, because you taught me to never give myself away to any friends ever. I'll never trust anyone the same thanks to you. I'm SO glad I got away from that.
And you know what is the most horrible thing about it all? Peter was right about you. He was right. I'll even admit that.
But seriously, when we alienate ourselves from you, just leave it alone. I don't need you continuously harassing me. When was the last time we spoke? You don't even know me anymore. You have no clue what kind of a person I am now, and you don't know what I'm capable of.
Yeah, I'm not like you. I didn't have every little thing handed to me, and I learned about the real world way before you ever will. I learned how to raise kids and how to treat my peers. I learned how to be a people-person and what life is like living paycheck to paycheck. You'll never have to live like that, and you'll never understand what it's like completely having to take care of yourself.
But seriously? Don't look down on me for it. You're like a racist against people who are less fortunate than you. I hope to God that you don't look at the homeless like that.

I have always deserved so much better.
We had fun together, and apparently you don't even remember any of it. I was just like you, once. I'm SO HAPPY that I'm not like that anymore.
I was mad for a while. Now I just pity you. You have to go to that point just to make your lives interesting. You and your gossiping and your poisonous and sick humor. I'm so much better than that. So yes, I do think I'm better than you. At least I behave like an adult when it comes to friendships.
Yeah, I act childishly sometimes, but when I do, it's all in good fun.

I don't have to grow up. But you seriously do.
Mind the language, but seriously. Get the fuck over yourself.