Saturday, April 24, 2010

I thought so hard about you today that I almost threw up.
Not out of disgust, but because there's so many things I simply can't forget. So many little moments that just won't get out of my head.
The last happy memory...where all I can remember was the way that you smiled at me before you thought I was so horrid. It was your birthday. That was the last day. It's frustrating. I'm not hurt, not angry, not upset about you. I just wish that the new memories would replace the old. They don't.


Church on Saturday nights is really nice. I'm not exhausted when I go, so it's easy to pay attention, even IF you have a 3-year-old sitting next to you.
Today was...touching. I couldn't even tell you what the service as a whole was about, but there was something that stood out.
Talking about moral conviction. It's definitely what I need, what I've always needed.
The way I took it was as this: Unless you are religiously and morally grounded, you will never survive in this culture. The media and people around us glorify things that are immoral, like the drunken parties and the drugs. Without moral conviction, even a strong Christian can, and probably will, fall to the immoralities of today's culture.
It's something that we need to grow up with.
I don't know if I did or not. I think that's why I couldn't handle living on a college campus where so many things, like starting a weekend by drinking on a Thursday, just felt so wrong to me.
I know that if I were still there, I would not have made it through the year holding on to my positions of no drugs, no crazy drunkenness.
I don't think I'm better than anyone who does choose that life, but I think that I deserve better for myself. I need to take care of myself. I need that moral conviction. I NEED that deep relationship with Christ that keeps me grounded.

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