Saturday, December 25, 2010

I'm not entirely sure where I want to go with this right now.
First and foremost, it's Christmas. That's a given, considering the post date on this blog will be marked the 25th of December.
I'll go ahead and say I'm a little...disappointed with my family. I worked so hard to make this Christmas morning great for my family, but I feel like the thoughtfulness was all in vain. I feel like no one noticed how hard I've worked.
The only thoughtful gift I received was a gift certificate to my favorite sushi restaurant from my brother-in-law.
It's just irritating, I guess, because even my parents don't know me well enough to pick out shirts that I would wear. I'm literally returning half of what I received this morning, and I have no idea what I'll do with the money that I get.
Right now, I just want to crawl in my bed and sleep, but I can't. Ugh.
I just feel...really unfortunate. I log on to facebook and hear "I got everything I wanted!" and stuff like that. Parents going all-out on their kids, significant others showering each other...I just...UGH.
It's gross to me. And what's worse is that I feel really selfish for even saying this, because a huge part of the world doesn't even have the money to have such a 'celebration' on a day like today.

Then there's the problem that I've been having with punctuality. I can not STAND when someone doesn't show up when they're supposed to. It's been happening more and more lately, and the people I count on the most have been proving to be incredibly unreliable. I literally can not handle it.

I've been having big troubles finding a way to express myself. Today is one of them. Because of my family, I need to be happy and attempt to enjoy the fact that there's 16 people in my house and a bunch of screaming children. But that's incredibly difficult when the back of my mind is sobbing about what isn't happening in front of me. And then there's my troubles with being able to talk to people. I'm always so worried about pissing some people of by explaining what I'm feeling, so I just don't say anything. I just don't want this right now.

I'm sick of people shoving their perfect lives in my face. I just want to be alone for a while.

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